Brad and Angie's Spawn Tells ALL

Movin' on Up...

2006-07-19T00:51:00.000-04:00

Change is in the air and I thought I'd go with the flow. I've relocated!

www.winoandiknow.blogspot.com

come visit!

Plastic Spice

2006-05-03T23:12:00.000-04:00

Victoria Beckham has submitted her body to science, in an attempt to create the first all-plastic, non-natural semi-functional human being. And to think, just a decade ago she was the hot spice girl who couldn't sing. Now she is just David Beckham's wife, which would be lovely if it weren't for the fact that he clearly cheats on her all the time, and they probably hate each other, and she stays with him because he has gobs and gobs of money and she can be the richest girl in England...

I'm pretty sure that even before they did her nose and eyes and boobs, the first sythetic part of her was that heart of ice. Gotta love the before and after shots - I didn't even have to look hard to find one that showed a contrast!

This Is Why You Shouldn't Drive Drunk If You Work for ABC (WARNING: Lost Spoiler)

2006-05-03T22:25:00.000-04:00

Tonight on Lost was CRAZY! Just as I was wondering why these people on a deserted island never get it on, Ana Lucia and Sawyer do the nasty. And I mean nasty. Ana Lucia is all angry and honestly rather manly and unpleasant seeming. Sawyer is super hot, he could have done a lot better - pretty much every female on the show is better than Ana Lucia. Even Rose. But anyway Ana and Sawyer did it. Then Ana goes back to the hatch to kill Henry Gale but didn't, so she gives the gun to Michael and BAM - he shoots HER, and then Libby and then shoots himself in the arm!

Now this is likely because Michael wants to let Henry free in some attempt to get Walt back, but you never know because Lost never makes sense. Also they're probably in purgatory so any idea we had that there is some overarching mystery to be unraveled is probably wrong. We'll find out that nothing will make sense because hey! They're dead, none of it's real, so it doesn't have to really make sense.

But anyway. Interesting coincidence - both Michelle Rodriguez, who plays (played) Ana Lucia and the actress who played Libby (I'm too lazy to look up her name) got arrested a few weeks ago in Hawaii, where Lost is filmed, for DUIs. ABC is owned by Disney so Michael Eisner or whoever is running Disney these days probably didn't cotton to the stars of the most popular show on their little family-oriented network being in trouble with the law. Although how family oriented can a network be if they also have Desperate Housewives?

I'll Take June 3rd

2006-05-02T00:19:00.000-04:00

When am I popping out? That's obvi the question on everybody's mind, along with what gender am I and what will Brad and Angie name me. What's not a question is "just how hot will I be?" Because the answer is obvious - EXTREMELY. Although there is some concern that I'll be SO hot that people who don't look away will melt, Raiders of the Lost Ark-style. Until we know for sure, I'd advise everyone to look away when Baby Jolie-Pitt comes to town unless you want to be incinerated until all that's left of you is your Nazi billfold. Or, whatever.

Anyway, if you people would ever get the balls to comment, we could run a little contest to see who gets the date right... although if you comment anonymously, we'll never know who won! And that's the most important thing. So, pick a fake name - I know that Cankles would be appropriate for some, as well as Hobag, Pirate Hooker, or really any variation of the above. Just comment - and remember - the Fetus herself has June 3rd.

Notice the unnecessary Indiana Jones picture and reference...

Ghost in the Machine!!

2006-05-02T00:11:00.000-04:00

Okay, my computer is not actually possessed by a demon (unless you consider me as such, which I think some people do), but for some reason when I got it there were like already some songs on my iTunes. I'm not sure if someone had my computer before me and downloaded these songs - but I would assume that the good people at Dell would erase the hard drive before they had the audacity to charge me full price for a hand-me-down computer. Um, anyway - I'm sick of asking questions. The point is, there were like 20 songs on my computer when I got it, and some of them are pretty good. One that I really like is by this hick guy called Adam Hood, whose song "Play Something We Know," is really quite catchy. Try it out sometime, especially if you like Pat Green/Robert Earl Keen-style Texas country. I think that's how I'd classify it.

Anyway, have a listen if you get the chance, mostly because it's a funny song about a drunk guy at a bar. Always good. Not quite at the level of "Who Are We to Question Love," but then again, what is?

They'll Never Get Anthony Edwards...

2006-05-01T23:46:00.000-04:00

Apparently, Revenge of the Nerds is being remade. There's no way this is working without Goose or Ted McGinley. Let's be honest here.

Oh - I just did a little imdb.com research, and apparently Adam Brody and McG are involved. Cohen, I love you, but your portfolio needs some diversification - this nerd thing you've been doing is getting a little old. And McG? Is this going to be a completely OC version of Revenge of the Nerds?

Anyway I loved the original. I got a little choked up when they all started chanting "Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!" At the end and the musical number - well that was just priceless. Nothing can beat the gay black guy's dance moves. With the way this remake seems to be going, they'll probably just put Usher in some glasses and have him try to play a nerd. Not so much.

Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word

2006-05-01T23:44:00.000-04:00

I apologize, really I do. I mean, no I don't. It's just not my thing. I'm not into it. It makes me feel so uncomfortable, and exposed, and a little guilty and out of control if I'm not paying constant attention to it. Plus, overexposure has spelled the end of too many celebrities.

And that's why I'm not making a MySpace page. I'm sorry. Stop asking me. You know who you are.

I'm Totally Crushing

2006-05-01T23:17:00.000-04:00

Brian, from "What About Brian," has officially made my list of Fictional Characters that I'm in Love With. Other boys on this list include Ferris Bueller, Indiana Jones, Alex P. Keaton, Mark Darcy, and Seth Cohen circa the OC season 1. I also sort of have a thing for Marshall on "How I Met Your Mother."

These crushes are not to be confused with crushes on real people - i.e. I have no interest in Barry Watson (the actor who plays Brian) or even Colin Firth, I just am in love with their characters. So, I have taken the unhealthy practice of having a celebrity crush and taken it one step further by having crushes on people that don't even exist.

Actually, it probably doesn't matter because I generally have crushes on fictionalized characters that my twisted brain creates out of real people anyway. Awesome.

Africa is so Trendy

2006-05-01T00:20:00.000-04:00

So I'm sure you all saw me on Dateline tonight. Well, you saw my Ma, and I'm in there. We are chiling in Africa and I'm pretty sure that's where I'm going to be born, so that I will have major street cred because I'll be African-American. You know it! But me and the rest of the World's Hottest Family are not the only ones flocking to the land of the pharoahs, because Africa is mad trendy right now.

I gotta give a shout-out to my friend J, aka the Goon, who is doing the Peace Corps in Niger (it's pronounced "knee-jair," with like a French accent). She's working in a village, getting bit by wild dogs and eating bugs, I don't know, but apparently she likes it! I have to say it makes me a little nervous that she's over there because it's like a desert and I heard that she's not in a doorman building or anything. I also bet the sushi there is terrible and that a good Bloody Mary is hard to come by. I bet they have Jamba Juice though? Jamba is African, right?

Anyway I gotta put together a care package for the Goon, with US Weekly and chocolate (those were her requests), although I'm sure the chocolate will mealt because it's like a thousand degrees there.

Out of curiousity, I just checked, and if you are interested in being trendy and flying from JFK to Namibia, it would cost like $1800 and you'd have to fly first to Amsterdam and then to South Africa and then you'd get to Namibia two days after you left. Bummer. I would just stay in South Africa - better beaches and probably you'd get a better hotel...

Foxfields Review

2006-04-30T23:51:00.000-04:00

Another year, another Foxfields come and gone. This year was my fifth in a row attending the event that some would consider akin to Christmas in terms of a preppy Hoya's anticipation of the day. It was, of course, glorious.

After a year off, my old friend Lilly Pulitzer returned. I've found that Foxfields without Lilly is like a Jimmy Buffett concert without Margaritas. Pointless and incomplete. Of course, based on the crowd I saw, I was certainly not the only person who felt that way. Besides the Lilly, I came to this year's Foxfields equipped with a jug of a special concoction that I called my "Death Mix," which is an homage to that Tucker Max guy who put some mix of vodka, gatorade and Everclear in a Camelback. Of course, my mix didn't actually have any Everclear because I'm just not that kind of a girl. So it was more of a Blackout Mix than a Death Mix. After that was gone there's a little bit of fuzziness with the events of the day. What I do remember is this:

1. I played two games of Beirut, the results of which I have no clue.
2. I was flirting with a guy who I soon discovered was a sophomore (or second year, as they say) at UVA. I said, "so you're 19," to which he responded, "no, I'm TWENTY. Twenty is a big year." Right buddy... although he was cute, maybe I should have gone for it anyway. I didn't though, because...
3. Someone put walnuts in their onion dip. Who does that? I, as many of you know, am allergic to walnuts and pecans (but not peanuts). So, I had a bite of this dip and began having an allergic reaction, so I went to the first aid tent. After undergoing a barrage of tests, they said they would give me Benadryl, which, upon finding out that it would make me tired, I refused to take.
4. When I was leaving the first aid tent, they tested my blood alcohol level. I was at .147. Yeeah!

As you can tell, this year's Foxfields was entertaining if not rife with drama. The one interesting thing was that I ran into my friend that I made out with a few weeks ago who I thought had a girlfriend (see) and I felt like a total hobag for making out with him. Anyway, since this kid is from CT and went to school in NY, he really had no business being at Foxfields, but he was there, and told me that he did in fact break up with the girlfriend and that they were broken up when we made out. But then that takes away my explanation for him not relentlessly chasing after me for a repeat performance! Oh well. At least I don't feel like a homewrecker...

Five years in a row at Foxfields. Zero makeouts this year. Too many drinks to count. And one very awkward looking sunburn. Will I be back for #6? Oh yes, I think so...

If My Love Life Was a Publicly Traded Company, We'd Be in the Pink Sheets

2006-04-26T23:02:00.000-04:00

Pink Sheets- sounds a lot hotter than it is. Suffice it to say that things are a little slow in the love department. Ever since the slap heard 'round the world, my love life has been comprised of a makeout with my friend who I am pretty sure has a girlfriend (I haven't heard from him in awhile so... yeah) and an ill-concieved three second smooch with someone who may or may not have a serious drug problem but certainly has some issues in the lady department. Oh, and one "date" that turned into meeting up at Dorrian's, where we talked for ten minutes before he pretty much ignored me. Awesome. I did make out with a cute guy at Martignetti's a few weeks ago, but that was kind of random.

Drastic times, kids. I'm thinking of going on match.com. Seriously. I just went on there and created a username and they have a starter video with two chicks telling you not to talk about your teddy bear collection in your profile. Duh, what kind of an idiot would do that? Although I have been known to make comments that wouldn't so much be interpreted as "whoa, she's cool smart and sexy," as "yikes, weirdo." Like mentioning that I have a photographic memory or that I like to do things like write in my blog and that I really really liked Brokeback Mountain and then just asking them to make out....

Sigh. Anyway the chicks in the video were really not that cute. How are THEY experts? Really.

Alright, that was enough match.com for one day. If any of you have nice male friends, I'm just looking for, I dunno, a couple dates, maybe a make out. Definitely a make out... with sexy results?

Really, this is my problem. I should probably just learn how to knit...

Getting Drunk for Free Without Whoring Yourself Out...

2006-04-26T22:28:00.000-04:00

Can be a slightly difficult proposition, especially if you are interested in leaving the house. Imagine my excitement, then, when I happened upon a piece of mail when I was home over Easter. It was an invitation to an art gallery opening - free, my mother, the artsy one, assured me, and with booze. Once she saw my interest piqued, she scurried upstairs to print out another invite - this time to a gallery that would have jazz at the opening. And they were both on the same night! My friends and I would have a night of culture and interesting people and obvi, booze. I imagined those gallery openings on Sex and the City where bankers mingle with well-dressed ladies (such as moi et mes amies - sorry, thinking about art makes me parler francais) and then they'd invite us to dinner and it would be fabulous.

Gallery 1- sort of abstract, modern art. I liked it, but the crowd was decidedly old artsy types (like my parents, if my dad was artsy) a bunch of chicks, and some hipsters who were making out. No sophisticated older men to take us to Pastis.

Gallery 2- Jazz had to be fun! But everyone was sitting on the wood gallery floor listening to the jazz, which wasn't particularly loud, so it was a little awkward. Again, not the crowd we were looking for. The chick behind the "bar" (and by bar I mean a table with bottles of wine and some glasses on it) smirked at me as I stumbled over for my second glass (I'd had a few at the other gallery as well). We filled out some cards to be on their mailing list (where I listed my mother and van Gogh as my artists of interest) and met up with some friends in Union Square.

Interestingly enough, we ended up at Pastis, and I didn't pay for any drinks there, but by then I was blackout. Good times.

Everyone knows Sex and the City is full of crap anyway.

By the way, the picture above is not of one of the galleries. I don't know what that picture is, I just thought it worked.

Fetus Frenzy!!!

2006-04-26T22:11:00.000-04:00

Since I've been gone, there's been a lot of babymaking by those Hollywood hornballs. Before we get to the big one (you know who I'm talking about), let's have a wee run-down of some of MY future playmates. None of whom, you will remember, will be as hot as MOI.

Moses Martin - my aunt Nina says to never give a kid an alliterative name. I'm pretty sure Plum Sykes won't listen to this one but I think Gwyneth should have. Rest assured that Moses will be one of those kids that never has a stray snot and always knows which silver spoon is right for eating his kosher all-natural organic kabbalah pureed peas and always stand up for the kid that's getting taunted when you, and the rest of the kids, are too intimidated by the bully do anything besides nervously laugh along. Yeah.

Barron Trump - Donald and Melania aren't actually nobility, so, true to form, they give their kid a title instead of the name. Look for their next ill-coifed child to be named Count, Earl, Duchess, or just HRH. Someone should tell the Trumps that a large donation to the Royal Family usually gets you at least a knighthood. Might be sketchy, but at least it's legit.

Grier Shields - in the process of being signed by Calvin Klein. CK's desperate to regain his title of "Perviest Fashion Icon" from American Apparel's Dov Charney, and what better way than going super young and getting Grier into a pair of Calvins, size 4-6 months? Up next, Blue Lagoon 3, which will tank but at least get Grier a few Maxim covers and a lifetime membership at the SoHo House. By the way, what gender is Grier? I just realized I have no idea.

And.. ba ba da ba... the Scientology baby! Suri Cruise! Um, Tom's a whackjob and I've already wasted too many megabytes on him, so, I'm done-skis.

Aaaaand that's the Fetus report until yours truly pops out!

Book Review, also Known as Journeys into Making Me Feel Bad About Myself

2006-04-26T21:51:00.000-04:00

So last week, last Monday, to be specific, I went to a book reading by Plum Sykes. You may remember her from Bergdorf Blondes, her 2004 tome on girls my age who piss money and therefore spend all of their time getting their hair dyed and obsessing over engagement rings. Wow, when I put it that way, it doesn't sound quite as fun, does it? Actually I'm just doing what my psychiatrist calls "deflecting," which means that I am insanely jealous, even though parading around in Marc Jacobs all day long could get a little tiring. Again, overcompensating, or something.

But I digress. Plummy Plum was at the Junior League on Monday to read from her new novel, The Debutante Divorcee. Methinks girlfriend's got a thing for alliteration. Anyway, she read from the book, more on that later, and answered some questions, and since I'd had two glasses of wine before dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I read BB three times. Lest you think I'm that much of a tool, the re-reading was more a result of being a lazy reader. See, in my attempts to become well-read, I purchase something very literary, like James Joyce, which let me tell you, is not so easy to get through. And then I read about 5 pages of it (more like 5 lines if it's Joyce) and then put it down and pick up Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix or something similarly challenging.

But back to the topic at hand - The DD - I got through the bulk (if you can call it that) of the book during Saturday's monsoon, and I have to say I found it rather enjoyable. What makes it a bit of a letdown from BB, however, is that the narrator was actually a reasonable person. In a fluffy book like this, having a rational narrator just takes a little of the escapist fun away. Plus she spends most of the book worried that her husband is cheating on her - a real problem, as opposed to the problem's of BB revolving around things like getting stranded in Cannes when the mogul who you were with gave your seat on his private jet to someone named Jazz.

I did like the book though, and I'm no Michiko Kakautani. This English major didn't even get through The Great Gatbsy in high school. I guess I was just too busy re-reading Harriet the Spy.

You think I'm joking.

Please Accept My Apologies

2006-04-26T21:46:00.000-04:00

Between the work, the booze, and spotty internet service, it's been hard to blog. Not to mention laziness and weather-induced a.d.d. Although had I had the benefits of the internet this weekend, I may have done some blogging rather than lying in bed reading and watching Sleepless in Seattle for the 85th time. What an exciting life I do lead.

Anyway, since excuses are like assholes,* I'm gonna cut the crap and get back to the blog. Now leave me alone!

*Everyone's got one, and they all stink.

Chad Michael Murray is a Ridiculously Hot Scumbag

2006-04-04T21:01:00.000-04:00

Apparently Chad Michael Murray, best known by, well, me, as playing douchebag Charlie on Dawson's Creek, is engaged to a One-Tree Hill crew member. Problems with this:

1. Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush got married April 16, 2005. Oh yeah, that's LESS THAN A YEAR AGO.
2. He and Bush divorced after being married for five months. So he's been divorced just over six months and he's engaged again.
3. This "crew member" is 18. What 18-year-olds have jobs in television? Oh yeah... ones that work in craft services.

Anyway, I just hope he doesn't dump her before prom.

Yikes!

2006-04-04T20:51:00.000-04:00

Looking at shoes on sale at zappos.com. Clicked on "sort by popularity." Here is, apparently, the most popular sale shoe on Zappos.

And lest you think this is a flukey case of some crazy bride in Podunk, Arkansas with three hundred bridesmaids who all have to buy the same ugly shoe - the next ten or so most popular shoes are THAT ONE, in different colors.

I mean, am I hallucinating or is that the ugliest shoe ever? Please tell me if I'm totally off-base, as I realize that a lot of people actually think that wearing pink sundresses with monkeys drinking martinis is weird, so my tastes might not be, uh, universal.

I Use Slutty Shampoo

2006-04-04T20:38:00.000-04:00

On drugstore.com today, contemplating the purchase of a grossly overpriced hair straightener (do I ever straighten my hair? Not so much.), and I decided that if I was buying the straightener, I may as well through in a bottle of my regular shampoo. Because, you know, I'm too lazy to even go to freakin Duane Reade. Anyway, here is the page that comes up for Biolage Color Care Shampoo. Scroll down to "customers who shopped for this product also shopped for."

I was NOT one of those people, Mom.

Work Parties

2006-03-16T00:37:00.000-05:00

I have a work party tomorrow night. Before I go to bed, I must remind myself not to hit on my coworker that I made out with like a year ago. It's just he's so cute and I mean I see him every day and it's HARD to see someone like that all buttoned up every day and think about how you want to make out with them but have very few opportunities because you can't really make out at work. I know, I've tried.

I also need to remind myself to not TELL any other people that I have made out with this boy. Because when I told my one coworker, S., she was like "I know." That's not good news.

Besides that, I will also try to refrain from doing that weird thing that I do when "Like a Prayer" comes on and I'm drunk. If you haven't seen it, suffice it to say it involves kneeling and blasphemy, and while I get weird looks for doing it at Martignetti's, I never heard the end of it when I did it at the Christmas party.

I might have a drinking problem.

BTW, I probably shouldn't be posting about anything work-related, so if you could do me a favor and just not mention this when you write to me at my work email address, I'd be very appreciative. Thanksbye.

Shameless Plug

2006-03-16T00:14:00.000-05:00

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about writing a post about this band. Yeah, I went to high school with the lead singer/songwriter. Okay, I've known the kid since I ate crayons. In first grade, we did some skit to "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," and I played Grandma and this guy, Tim (the one on the left), was Grandpa, and I remember my first grade heart just palpitating away when the end of the skit called for Tim to put his arm around me. Yeah. I would say he was my first crush except he wasn't, Danny K. was. Enough about that. I'm not sure how I feel because while I have known this kid forever, he grew kind of a ginourmous ego by senior year (perhaps a factor of having been class president every year since 6th grade, captain and quarterback of the football team, and having that whole music thing going) so I'm not sure how much I want to plug his music.

Wow, I've just totally revealed myself to anyone who didn't already know who was writing this... except this band isn't famous so, yeah, it's not like I just admitted I went to high school with Paul McCartney or anything.

Anyway. The band is called The Alternate Routes and I just downloaded their CD off iTunes and it's pretty good. I mean, I enjoyed Tim's music slightly more when I was 17 and he was playing at our high school's acoustic nights, but it's still good. AND, they apparently play shows in New York all the time so will some of you (since everyone who reads this is my friend) come see them play with me? It's $8 for a show and I promise you can get an autograph and maybe even a makeout from Tim. Not sure how much he likes groupies, we didn't discuss that at the high school reunion. Although our friend Louie did give me a ride home in their "tour bus," which was essentially one of those big vans. And by essentially I mean exactly. It was one of those big vans that has like three bench seats.

So I do suggest checking out their music, perhaps on iTunes or perhaps we can arrange for you to come over and listen to the music on my computer, and then we'll go to the show and see if Tim's looking hot these days. And by the way, he did, in fact, write in my yearbook senior year (after, as I said, knowing me for essentially our entire lives) simply that he hoped to see me from stage someday. Well guys, that someday is April 6. Let's go see the d-bag from my high school play at Sin-e. WOOOOO.

This is not an Uplifting Post... Sorry

2006-03-15T23:51:00.000-05:00

So obviously I generally try to be humorous or at least upbeat on this blog... but I feel that it's my duty as a citizen of this great nation to pass this information along. Read it, skip it, do with it what you will, but as Gordon Gekko said, "Information is the most valuable commodity I know of."

A friend of mine sent me this link a week ago and I never got a chance to watch the whole video. Not saying I agree with any or everything it says, but what I do agree with is that there are unanswered questions about 9/11 (I told you this wouldn't be an uplifting post). Anyway, I would highly suggest that everyone watch this. It's an hour and twenty minutes long and and even if you think it's complete horseshit, maybe it can at least remind us not to take the official account of our world events as gospel.

Then again, I also believe that it's human nature to create conspiracies - when a horrible tragedy happens, we want to believe that there's something greater behind it, that it wasn't just a senseless act. If Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone (which I think he did), then it takes away a great deal of the mythology surrounding Kennedy. Creating conspiracies creates meaning, and the false comfort that arises from an idea that these events happened for reasons greater than one man or one group's hatred.

That said, I think that one of the most disconcerting aspects of today's political culture is the inability of a person who identifies him or herself with the ideology of a certain party to entertain the possibility that the dogma of that party's leaders is not infallible.

Anyway. Just watch it.

By the way, I think I should warn those of you who find images of the events of 9/11 upsetting (I know I do) that they are several of them throughout this video, so you may not want to watch it, say, at work.

Liquid Dreams was Really a Foul Song

2006-03-15T22:07:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how many of you religiously follow MTV's reality shows, but I highly recommend that if you don't, you start. Their documentary-style ones are really the best. Anyone see Fat Camp? Priceless. But anyway. The season finale of There and Back was on Monday night. For the unacquainted, this show follows Ashley Parker Angel, who used to be in O-Town, which was the original creation of the show Making the Band. I didn't see all of the episodes but I saw most of them, so I think I can give a fairly good summary: O-Town has broken up, Ashley is living with his pregnant girlfriend and her mother, trying to make an album, and he's completely broke. It's heartbreakingly funny when he goes to a temp agency and they tell him that all he's really suited to do is "Human Directional Advertising," also known as standing outside and handing out flyers or holding up a sign. Dressing like a hot dog may or may not be involved. They hold a yard sale one day. The girlfriend cries a lot (she's like 9 months preggers for most of the show), and a couple former members of O-Town make cameo appearances. I think that the one who was a construction worker was a lot better off than the one who was hanging out with Ashley when he found out that the concert he was supposed to be performing in that night was cancelled. Yeah.

Throughout the show, Ashley is alternately a brat who's used to being spoiled and just plain desperate to make it. So while he seems utterly useless at anything except music, he does really try hard to make the music thing happen. It was a pretty fascinating "where are they now" sort of thing. Too bad he didn't break down, Bonaduce-style. That would have been presh.

The show ends with Ashley hearing his song on the radio. I haven't heard anything from it... and it's not on itunes. But I would kind of feel like I had to buy it - I mean dude is completely incapable of making a living any other way. I feel really bad for him. I hope his girlfriend graduated from high school, she might want to look into getting a job. Not sure what she's qualified for though, I'm pretty sure when she signed up, her job description was "girlfriend of boy band star." The skills used in that profession have limited cross-over potential.

Life Ruiners and our Conspiracies

2006-03-15T21:58:00.000-05:00

Everyone assumes that their little secrets will come out eventually. You'll find out who it was that spilled red wine on your bedspread or used all of your favorite lipgloss. As you can see, many of these little "mysteries" surround the lifestyle that we lead as a result of that peculiar 20 and 21st century practice of having roommates.

During senior year of college, my roommate N's black bra went missing. N's favorite bra, no less. Not sure what was so special about it because it wasn't exactly a hot topic until it was nowhere to be found. She came to myself and our other two roommates, asking us in those tones that mix desperate pleading with unadulterated fury. The kind of tones that scare the crap out of you. Of course, I was not a suspect due to, um, the different size bras that N and I wear, but she nonetheless repeatedly approached each of us, as though repeated interrogation might glean the slightest clue that would help her in finding her precious.

Recently I mentioned the Infamous Bra Incident to N, and our other two college roommates, P and W. Offhand, P mentions that another friend of ours found it amongst her things. The truth has come out, belatedly, as the truth so often does.

What this makes me think about, besides how funny/scary it was when N "lost" the bra in the first place, is that all of my secrets are eventually going to come out. And that is not going to be a happy day. Yikes!

Celebrity Memo #2: Christina Aguilera

2006-03-14T23:11:00.000-05:00

Dear Christina,

I just wanted to let you know that I saw this coming all along. Here you are, married to a husband who actually has a job, looking better than ever, and there's Britney... well, you don't really need to hear what's going on with Chunky McCellulite over there and her illiterate husband. But I'm telling you - I totally saw it coming. "That Christina can actually sing," I said back in the day. "I bet Britney cries herself to sleep at night knowing that Christina is an amazing singer and she's just, well, pretty much below average," I told my freshman year roommate at Georgetown (that was five and a half years ago, how smart am I?).

Anyway, besides the writing this letter to simultaneously congratulate you on your success as well as tout my own psychic abilities (really, these abilities only relate to the career of popstars. Kelly Clarkson - we'll talk soon.), I am asking you, too, to get a move on it. Release another album, please. And please, try to make this one without humping a boxing ring. If you make it two in a row, people are going to start expecting that, and, really, I think you'll be around for awhile and I don't want to see you doing that when you look like Babs. And you know you will...

Oh - and next time you talk to Lil' Kim, tell her I say hi and toss her a carton of Marlboros from me. I'll pay you back later. Thanks!

Love,
Baby Jolie-Pitt

P.S. If you go back to acting like your no-talent peers (I'm looking at YOU, Mary Kate), I will take back every nice thing I said.

This Colgate Commercial Skeeves Me Out

2006-03-12T20:59:00.000-05:00

It's a commercial for Colgate Total. Brown-haired chick is talking to the camera, as they do in dental-type commercials, and what bothers me is that she refers to her gingivitis-y bleeding gums by saying that there's "pink in the sink."

For some reason that grosses me out. It's like "points in the paint," but there's something gross about it that's magnified by the rhyming.

Who are the ad geniuses who came up with that one?

All Roads Lead to Houston and Eldridge

2006-03-12T19:21:00.000-05:00

Nearly without fail, every Friday and Saturday night comes to a close at a little bar on the Lower East Side called Martignetti. Think Dorrian's, but downtown. Same crowd, but the girls wear tank tops and pointy toed heels with their $160 jeans instead of polo shirts and cashmere sweaters. And because there's a DJ instead of a juke box, you're likely to hear "Pour Some Sugar on Me" only once or twice instead of every thirty minutes like at Dorrian's.

Anyway, it's become the go-to place for my friends and I probably since the fall. We know the bouncers (although don't worry, I don't plan on getting into a car with Q anytime soon), which is useful on nights like last night when there was a line to get in. Oh yeah, I wait in no lines at Martignetti's. It was also useful since I'd forgotten my ID. Another time I was there, Pam actually chastised me when I tried to show my license to Q.

The problem with Martignetti, though, is that it gets SO crowded. And inevitably I end up hanging out towards the front (most crowded) part of the bar because that's as far as I get before I run into someone and end up in conversation with them. From there I'll go to the d-floor, where I'll hang out until I realize it's 3:30 a.m. and there is no good reason why I should be still out and drinking when my tenth beer is in my hand. And then I go home. Or I make out, but discussions of such matters are not for this blog. Just wait for the emails, guys (the New New York Social Diary).

According to the Shecky's review, they have white-trash bottle service (aka a case of beer instead of a bottle of Grey Goose). I'm all about that for next weekend!

Jim Nantz is Pissed Off

2006-03-12T18:56:00.000-05:00

So, I generally follow the NCAA tournament more than casually but certainly not with any great enthusiasm, except when it comes to the teams for which I have an affinity. That is to say, I follow Georgetown and UCONN and the rest I don't really pay much attention to. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not an expert. But watching the selection show tonight, it appears that Jim Nantz was NOT happy about the teams that got picked! He was totally attacking the head of the selection committee like "Why didn't you put Cincy in? No Cincy but AIR FORCE?" And the head of the selection committee was obviously trying to defend the decision and Nantz was just not having any of it. Towards the end, the selection committee dude tried to end the argument by congratulating all of the teams but Jim Nantz was still like "you guys are so stupid." Interesting. I'll have to switch over to ESPN to see what they're saying.

Here are my observations of the ESPN show.

1. Talking about Duke. Rhymes with puke. PUKE PUKE PUKE I HATE DUKE.
2. Syracuse. Convicts wear orange.
3. "Points in the paint" is a really funny term.
4. They are doing a clip montage that is pretty cool but in the background there is a rap about the tournament. Now, I know everyone loves March Madness but who writes a whole rap about it? I found it funny, especially when they said things like "Dance" "Journey to the tourney" and "Bracketology." Not funny words in general, but funny when you're trying to rap about them and also sound hardcore.
5. Talking about Connecticut. Dick Vitale is funny. Anyway, they're saying UCONN is the most talented team, but they obvi have been choking (see #2). Ugh please don't choke because if Duke wins I'm going to be so annoyed (see #1).
6. Apparently this show is going to be an hour long. I'm bailing out.

Go Hoyas!

Sunday Brunch Update

2006-03-12T18:38:00.000-05:00

I got a lot of good feedback about last week's Sunday Brunch post so I figured I'd make it a weekly thing. Today I went to Citrus, which is on the Upper West Side, meaning that most of you will never go there unless your grandmother is about to drag you to the Met. But I digress. The food was pretty good - I got a breakfast burrito again and I have to say it paled in comparison to the one I got at Yuca Bar last week. The bloody was also a little sub-par, which was disappointing because I really needed it today. Too much like cocktail sauce and I didn't even get a celery stick! And no, a bloody mary is NOT supposed to taste like cocktail sauce. Those who disagree, I'm sorry, you're amateurs. God that sounded really obnoxious, but seriously, I'm a PROFESSIONAL.

Anyway, Citrus, which is located at 72nd and Amsterdam (I told you that you'd never go) is a sister restaurant of the dump where I used to hostess. They fired me. Many of you have heard the story but suffice it to say I didn't quite fit in among the restaurant staff. Oh well. I think they have a good brunch but you're not allowed back if you get fired. I wonder if I was even really allowed at Citrus?

Apparently I Look Like Eva Longoria.

2006-03-12T17:43:00.000-05:00

I don't really look like Eva Longoria, at all. I think you all know this since I don't, as of yet, have any blog readers that don't actually know me. Oh well. Anyway - this website is kind of fun - you upload a picture of yourself and they tell you what celebrities you look like. It works best if you have a picture that's just you looking straight at the camera. Apparently I look 63% like Eva Longoria, and 60% like Shiri Appleby. Whoever that is. Mariah Carey and Paris Hilton tied at looking 58% like me. Gross. About Paris. Crap, I was going to never mention that whore on this blog.

Anyway, check out the website. I'm going to go try to get into Bungalow, because obviously I'll be mistaken for a hot celebrity.

This Week's "Business that is Probably a Front for Something Illegal"

2006-03-12T17:27:00.000-05:00

Have you ever seen a store or restaurant whose existence seems, well, like there's something not quite right about it? I used to always think of Sugar's in Georgetown that way - granted, I think I ate there about twice, but I always thought there was something off about it. It closed at something like 3 in the afternoon and I'm pretty sure it wasn't open on Sundays, meaning that it was open for about 35 hours a week. Its location meant that first of all, they could have made a hell of a lot more money by staying open even a little bit later (I mean seriously, college kids don't even wake up until 1 in the afternoon anyway), plus its rent had to be astronomical given its location, but they didn't seem all that concerned about making money. So I always thought that Sugar's was a front for something illegal.

That being said, I also feel this way about The New York Look chain of stores. For the unacquainted, The New York Look is like Searle. Actually, if you don't know The New York Look you probably don't know Searle. Um - it's got a lot of the same clothes as Bloomingdales, but something about the way the clothes are presented in some of the stores makes it look like they fell off of a truck. And by "fell off of a truck," I obvi mean they were stolen. Also, amid the Juicy Couture and Theory, there are definitely some really random brands that I feel like they throw in to trick you into paying $180 for a top that is actually from Conway's.* And the salespeople! They are SO pushy. I was in there trying on a dress and I told the woman I was going to have to think about it (aka I'm going to buy it from BodyTalk in Avon because I'm sorry New York Look is SO sketchy) and she kept asking "what is there to think about?" "would you like to try this orange dress?" "we're going to call and see if we can get it in blue!" "try on these [$360] Marc Jacobs shoes with it!" Eventually I sort of ran out of there. Also, it's one of those stores where the return policy is that you only have like twenty minutes to bring it back and then you only get store credit.

So maybe it's not a front for something the way Sugar's was - I think it could just be that the clothes were stolen and they hire the pushy salespeople to get people to buy stuff so that they can get rid of the merchandise before they get caught. So sketch. Will somebody please do some investigatory journalism about this one? Thanks.

*When I hostessed at a restaurant, I learned that Conways is a really cheap store. Think Wal-Mart plus TJ Maxx and everything is a little dusty. I think.

Hung Over Fridays

2006-03-10T09:15:00.000-05:00

Please accept my apologies for the lack of blogginess today. There was an unfortunate incident incident last night involving some vodka laced with iced tea and red wine and as a result, I never updated the blog. But it wasn't for lack of trying! I got home last night and over a piece of toast with peanut butter and jelly I tried to look up an article that Steph told me about. Allegedly it was about how blondes evolved. But all the google searches took me to were white power websites. Thanks, Steph. Now I'm getting emails from white supremacists who want to breed Aryan babies with me. Good grief. I'm thinking of signing up for their websites and having a little fun.

But right now I'm late for work. I promise I'll blog the crap out of this weekend. Unless I get drunk again. Which is likely.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Step 1: Make up with Fiance. Step 2: Eat a Sandwich

2006-03-08T23:51:00.000-05:00

Looks like Nicole Richie and DJ AM are making up. She realized she couldn't get better blow, I mean love, anywhere else.

The Sweet Life

2006-03-08T23:46:00.000-05:00

Check this out, fools. My brother has to walk through the airport. My sister, well, she doesn't have to walk, but she still has to breathe airport air. Me, I'm chillin in the womb. As if there was any doubt as to who Dad and Mom were gonna love the most.

I said I was the hottest fetus! You chewbaccas better believe it.

Life Problems

2006-03-08T23:20:00.000-05:00

I dropped the ball on this one, guys. Too much time spent doing things like "working" and "going to cardio attack," and I completely forgot about the Project Runway finale tonight! WTF is wrong with me?? I freakin love Project Runway although I have to admit that once Andrae and Nick were kicked off I lost interest a bit.

So I'm feeling a little... forlorn. My DVR is even broken. And my George Foreman grill-cooking has been seriously subpar, leaving me with two nights of dry, chewy chicken for dinner. Life is sad. It's too bad you can't give hugs over the internet, because I need one.

Okay, enough about that one. I hear that Chloe won Project Runway. Sorry if you haven't seen it, I had to spoil it for you too. I liked her although I have to admit she was my least favorite of the three finalists. "What?!!?! You didn't hate Santino?" I can hear the collective shrieks (keep it down, your cubemates are going to think you're even crazier than they already do). But in the second to last episode, when Tim Gunn visited them all at home, Santino showed his softer side and in spite of myself, I found that I began to root for him. And Daniel V., well, I had a semi-crush on him. He was just so sweet and sort of looked like Andy Samberg and he had very classy designs. He would have done very well with Banana Republic. Poor sweet Daniel V., maybe he needs a hug too...

Well, congratulations to Chloe anyway, I did like her a lot and am looking forward to seeing her clothes on sale at a retailer near ME.

For more Project Runway info, since obvi you aren't getting it here, visit the Manolo!

And the reason why I put that picture of Santino, instead of Chloe, is first of all because Santino is way more interesting looking, but also because he reminds me of some creepy actor but I can't figure out who it is. Help!

Bruce Willis Is Ungrateful for his Nose Candy

2006-03-08T22:44:00.000-05:00

At a press conference for his new movie, "16 Blocks," actor Bruce Willis called out the Colombians, comparing their drug trade to terrorism. Now, this isn't the same as the drugs-and-terrorism campaign from a couple of years ago (remember, "whenever you buy pot, you support Osama"), Willis was more saying that coke destroys countries (the US included) in the same way that terrorism does. Okay, interesting point. He then suggests that those blow growers (do they grow it?) get taken OUT! Yeah, Yippee Ki Yay Muthafuckas!

But I digress. I find the most interesting part of this whole situation to be the Colombian president's response. Now, to clarify, the Boss* is only suggesting that we take out el drug lords... not, say, the Colombian government. But the Colombian president reacts by saying that Bruce is - get ready for it - "ungrateful." So, that answers any questions we may have had about the Colombian government's involvement with its most profitable export.** Thanks for clearing that up, amigos!

The moral of this story, is that the next time Mr. Willis find himself hanging out with Lindsay Lohan, he should say THANK YOU.

*I realize that's the moniker generally used for the other Bruce, but Willis is really taking charge here!
**Merely speculation. I have no information about Colombia's economy.

America's Next... Top... Mah... dull.

2006-03-08T22:03:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't heard, Georgetown's own Sara Albert is on America's Next Top Model this season. The premier was tonight, but since the only reality shows I can sit through have to involve the Miz, I only watched a few minutes of it. It could be cool to be on the show, except everyone knows that the real crazies go to America's Next Top Model. American Idol? Fairly normal. Even the people on the Real World are your run-of-the-mill kooks. But only on America's Next Top Model will a girl pee in a diaper.

I was hoping that Ms. Albert's facebook profile would give us some insight into this mystery girl, but there's not much there. But from her pictures, she hung out with my friend N's best friends. Yo, N! You ever try to fight that bitch? Come on!

Anyway good for Sara - I think she has a decent chance, but, I mean, it's not like she's on a REAL network or anything. But you know who should be America's Next Top Model? Me. Why?

OK, here's why I'm the bomb. I'm super-fine, I'm round-the-clock horny, I'm rocking one leg...and I got a case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome...That's IBS for short, so take a walk, bitches, 'cause I can't!

BTW, please click on the Miz link above. Priceless.

My New Obsession

2006-03-08T21:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm developing an obsession with a trainer at my gym who calls himself Johnnie P. He reminds me of my high school soccer coach who used to consider rainy days a great opportunity because every athletic facility at our school was available. The track team cancelled practice! Now we can run sprints! Field hockey went home early! Let's run hills! Yes, Johnnie P. is a sadistic fucker just like my soccer coach, except that my coach was a hot 27-year old British man and Johnnie P. is a flaming homosexual.

Think Nathan Lane. Johnnie P. even sings, especially to songs by Beyonce and that "Stranger in My House" song from a couple of years ago.

Anyway I'm obsessed with him because his classes are really hard. So if you go to Equinox, I highly recommend checking out his Cardio Attack or Body Sculpt classes. And give him a kiss for me.

I Scooped Gawker, SUCKAS

2006-03-07T22:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I guess it's not really a scoop... but I pointed out the Dorrian's/Falls connectedness a full TWO DAYS before Gawker did. Obvi it's because I have the inside track, having made out on the dancefloor of both bars. Actually, neither has a real dance floor... but that doesn't stop me from busting a move OR making out, as many of you are well aware.

I will end on a note of solace - according to my friend Pam, who should know because she's a total lush who frequently directs her drunk ass towards Dorrian's, Ray Ray and Kenny, the bouncers there, have been there for "like 20 years," which I guess would prevent them from helping someone rape and murder you.

Ironically, I got this picture of Dorrian's from a website detailing the Preppy Murder of 1986.

Um, Correction

2006-03-07T21:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I lied. Or, rather, I didn't even really read the Jossip article I linked to in yesterday's post. Talk about shoddy research skills. Now I'll never be a famous journalist with unquestionable integrity! Actually, the most famous reporters these days are the ones who LIE! Stephen Glass, Jayson Blair, Nick Sylvester and now… BABY JOLIE-PITT!!

But I digress. The SNL raps have not been lost forever to those of you who think it's "cool" to go out on a Saturday night and not watch SNL. They are on the NBC website. The Man himself is allowing us to watch the hotness that is Andy Samberg as much as we want. All day… all night… I can bask in the glow of my computer monitor, the speakers pumping out Andy's melodic voice saying, "You can call me Aaron Burr with the way I'm droppin' Hamiltons." I know you're rapping just for me Andy, I KNOW IT!

Enough of that. After all that teasing, here at last, are the Lazy Sunday and Natalie Portman SNL raps. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Also, if these skits aren't enough Andy Samberg - and really, how could you have enough -go to theLonelyIsland.com - he and his two friends (who are now SNL writers) are the hot geniuses behind this movie magic.

Enjoy. I love you Andy...

Yes, That's the Smell of Horse Poo

2006-03-07T00:05:00.000-05:00

That's right kids, SPRING is almost here. And what a glorious time the spring is. Do you know why it's so glorious, in addition to the fact that I get to be reunited with my friend Lilly?

HORSE RACES.

In addition to the Triple Crown, none of whose events I have ever attended, the season of renewal brings forth two events which I hold dear to my heart. I'm talking, of course, about the Harvard/Yale Polo Match (which you are sure to recognize is not a horse race, but of course, it's not about the ponies at all so who cares), and Christmas for preps South of the Mason-Dixon, aka the Foxfield Races.

For those of you in New York, Harvard/Yale Polo is quite an excellent time. You leave from Grand Central on a 2 pm train, where they were supposed to serve booze but last year they apparently ran out before I could get my paws on any, and then a bus takes you to Conyers Farm in Greenwich where there is lotsa booze, food, well-dressed preps of all ages, and of course, a polo match. And then there are after parties! Last year I only made it to the one in Greenwich, but there is also one back in the city at a trendy club - last year was Aer, if you can make it that far once you've been drinking out in the sun all day.

I have at least one dress picked out thus far and this weekend I'm taking my pearls to the jewelers to get cleaned. And fixed. I broke them last weekend, drunk, of course.

It's time you started preparing as well. Hone your recipe for Mint Juleps and re-read the PH. See you at the races!

BTW, in case you couldn't tell, the picture above is of the Royal Family. I don't believe they will be participating in HY Polo but it was just an excuse to throw in a photo of Prince William.

This is why Guys Think Girls are Crazy

2006-03-06T23:49:00.000-05:00

My friend sent me this article from the New York Times today. It's about a chick who thinks she's on a date with a guy who lives in a tiny house (it's literally 8' by 12' or something like that, I'm not trying to make a subtle comment about dating poor people), anyway she thinks they're on a date but she just goes to his house and they have wine and then they do it...and WHILE they are doing it, he tells her that he has a girlfriend. She proceeds to do it with him again, and then, as he puts it, "get all Fatal Attraction" on him.

This girl is an idiot for many reasons, not the least of which is that she lets him get all up in her business, and by business I mean pants, without even actually having their first date, and then she seems to expect something.

I just want to know why the New York Times is publishing the work of this psychopath. I'm afraid the editors just might think that young girls in Manhattan behave this way and think this way. Good lord.

Anyway, read the article. I TOLD YOU THAT BITCH CRAZY!

About Me: The Blogging Fetus

2006-03-06T22:33:00.000-05:00

So, there's my Mom. That bulge in there is me, and I know what you're all curious about and the answer is yes, I'm already ridiculously hot. Probably the hottest fetus ever and soon to be the hottest baby ever... jealous?

I'm writing this blog on the teeniest computer ever. Thank goodness for wireless internet, right?

Celebrity Memo #1: Adam Levine

2006-03-06T22:05:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Levine,

Would it be so much trouble for you to take time out from your busy celebutante-fucking schedule to perhaps record another album with your band?*

Songs About Jane was released in 2002. It's 2006. Since then, you've allegedly gotten in the pants of Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan, Maria Sharapova, Kirsten Dunst, and god knows who else. Oh yeah, you guys made a live album with how many new tracks? ONE. Oh, and a cover of "Hello," by Oasis. I'll give you credit for picking a different song than Wonderwall, but COME ON.

I dig your tunes, but it's time for album number two. And probably a trip to the docter... pennicillin is your friend. The clap is not.

Best Wishes,
Baby Jolie-Pitt

*Maroon 5, for those of you who live under rocks

SNL would really rather you didn't watch their show

2006-03-06T17:48:00.000-05:00

So I am pretty sure that the reason why the Natalie Portman-SNL video below is no longer working is that it has been removed from YouTube because of "copyright infringement." Even though they aired the freaking skit as like the second-to-last (right before the fifteenth re-run of "80s Smoke Alarm"), they seem to be really concerned about people pirating it. Apparently the same thing happened with the Lazy Sunday skit from a couple of months ago (Pibb and Red Vines Equals CRAZY DELICIOUS!)... and I have to ask, why is it a bad thing for people to pass these videos around on the internet? They're the best thing to happen to SNL since Turd Ferguson (although I really have a thing for Amy Poehler's one-legged character, as many of you are all too well aware). Why wouldn't you want people to see that?

I guess Lorne Michaels just wants to make sure that he's the only one that can release a "best of Andy Samberg" compilation once Andy acheives cinematic greatness... that Lorne Michaels is a greedy bastard.

I'm just kidding, Lorne Michaels probably has nothing to do with it.

BTW - Samberg, wanna make out?

Natalie Portman's True Colors or The Importance of DVR

2006-03-06T01:00:00.000-05:00

This week's SNL featured yet another glorious digital short with Andy Samberg and host Natalie Portman, showing her, for lack of a better word, gangster side. Since my cousin claims he made out with her at a bar when she was like 16, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that she's such a badass. Although in this skit she's acting and I'm assuming my cousin was lying...

Oscar Recap, part deux

2006-03-06T00:31:00.001-05:00

So with regards to my earlier plea for ridiculous acceptance speeches... I was a little disappointed. I mean, okay, George Clooney I thought had an interesting, if over-simplified point about it being good that Hollywood was somewhat removed from mainstream American culture. Philip Seymour Hoffman did a nice job thanking his mother, and of course, Reese Witherspoon was just as sweet as ever and actually made me cry. But come on, people, I want you to make fools out of yourselves!

And I'm not counting the dudes who brought penguins and bowties onstage. I only want you to behave like an idiot if you're really famous.

I guess I can't exactly be bitter about Crash winning seeing as I never saw it. But I really wanted Brokeback Mountain to win, or one of the actors since Heath and Jake are so hot and I'm still in awe that Michelle Williams went from Dawson's Creek to the Academy Awards. And here I always thought Pacey was the one with the bright future....

Picture from people.com

Oscar Recap, part une

2006-03-06T00:17:00.000-05:00

Um, so the Oscars is always really freaking long. Lots to cover here. Michelle Williams, I love you, but that yellow dress has got to go. The behavior of Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin, as well as Dustin Hoffman and Jack Nicholson has me convinced that anyone who survives Hollywood into their 50s becomes certifiably insane in an absolutely wonderful way.

Of course the big story is the Three Six Mafia winning for best original song. Personally I was rooting for Dolly Parton because she's like a walking cartoon, but it was awesome to see those guys accept the award. My friend Nicole texted me, quite accurately, that probably only 5% of the audience understood what they were saying, but then again that's only a slightly smaller percentage than understood Jon Stewart's jokes.

I thought Jon Stewart did a good job, but it really did seem like he had a tough crowd to deal with. I'm not sure that the the people who stay up to watch him on Comedy Central are the same ones who were at the Oscars, or who watch the Oscars from home, for that matter. Oh well. I love him.

Photo from people.com

Yikes...

2006-03-05T23:52:00.000-05:00

Just saw on the local news that they are questioning one of the bouncers at The Falls in the murder of Imette St. Guillen last weekend. Super sketchy if dude was involved... I guess the police have been doing an extensive search of the bar as well as businesses that may occupy the building above the bar. Could just be for lack of other leads that they are searching that area, but you never know. According to the not-at-all alarmist local news that I was watching after the Oscars, they police left with "bags and bags" of "evidence."

I'm not sure about this, but when I went to The Falls' opening last year (year and a half ago?) my friend told me that it was being opened by Dorrian's people. One of the bartenders there definitely used to work at Dorrian's. Dorrian's is famous of course, not only for being full of total douchebags, but for the preppy murder back in the 80s. Interesting coincidence...

Anyway, here's an article from 1010 wins. Be safe!

Awesome Sunday Brunch

2006-03-05T19:56:00.000-05:00

Today I journeyed to that faraway place called Alphabet City for brunch. Usually I shudder at the thought of leaving the Upper West Side when I'm hung over on a Sunday... but I made the right decision today. Yuca Bar at 7th and Avenue A has a great Mexican-ish brunch menu. I got a glorious breakfast burrito. And the best part? Entree plus drink (Bloody for me, of course - and they make excellent bloodys) plus coffee is $10.95. What a deal!

Atta Girl!

2006-03-05T19:23:00.000-05:00

The lovely ladies over at More Conversations about Famous People (or the guest poster...) seem to be up in arms about some pictures of Emma Watson (aka Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter movies) . Yeah, so she's boozing at 15... so was I, and look how well I turned out!

I don't see what the huge deal is.... if she rolls into Bungalow in the next few days though... that might be a bigger deal.

Picture from More Conversations about Famous People

Oscar Night!

2006-03-05T18:37:00.000-05:00

Just a quick plea to the actors who are going to win awards tonight - please say something ridiculous. This is the only time, PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, that like a billion people are going to listen to what you have to say. So please say something inappropriate. Please.

Is anyone else slightly obsessed with Billy Bush? I'm pretty sure he's one of the least intelligent people on the planet... but for some reason, that makes him even prettier.

Back later on...